Surviving Abusive Relationships- Part Ten


Even though it was difficult for me to write certain portions of this particular project, I felt it was extremely important for me to do so.  Enduring abuse is extremely difficult.  Admitting that you are a victim of abuse can be even harder—especially if you love the abuser.  If we are to be completely honest, it has to be admitted that the victim loves the abuser in one way or another.  The abuser may be a parent, grandparent, or other relative.  The abuser might be a significant other.  An abuser may even be a close friend.  In any case, the abusive behavior is NOT acceptable. 

The abused individual must get help or the abuse will not stop.  This will lead to decreased self-esteem, detachment, depression, and possibly worse.  The abused individual may not even realize initially that they are in such a relationship.  But when they do become aware that this is what is occurring, it is imperative that the one being abused get help.  I am making a plea with all those in a position where they are being abused.  It may be verbal.  It may be emotional or mental.  It might be physical.  Many times it is a combination of two or more types of abuse.  It does not matter which type of abuse you are experiencing.  It will always have the same end result, that mentioned above. 

I am begging you—if you are being abused, get help.  I did not get help soon enough and I attempted to take my own life.  I would just like to say it was not worth it.  It did not work and it actually made the situation worse.  I am actually very happy that I did not succeed.  Once I realized what the real problem was and escaped from the torture I was living, I gained peace of mind. 

ocean sunset

Yes—at first it was difficult.  I did not want to leave my husband because I loved him.  I also did not want to be homeless.  However, it was necessary—and it helped me to grow as an individual.  I am much happier now and get a lot more enjoyment out of each day that I live.  Yes, there are difficult, stressful moments; but that is part of the adventure.  Nothing seems all that bad once you have had to leave everything behind and live out of your vehicle.  Nothing is that bad.  It is never worth trying the permanent escape—life is so much better than that.

Once you reach out and get help, you begin to move on.  At that point, you are no longer a victim.  You are a survivor.  Just like a victim of a crash or robbery moves past the event and becomes a survivor, so are you.  Yet, you can be so much more than a survivor.  You can be a conqueror.  It took me a long time to get to the point of becoming a conqueror.  Now that I have, my life is so much richer.  You will get there too.  You just have to take the first step. 

You can do it.  You do have it in you—even if you think you don’t.  It won’t be easy.  For some it will be harder than others.  But you can do it.  Once you do, your life will be so much better.  You will be able to think clearer and make better decisions.  You will have more energy to give to your real friends.  Don’t do it for me.  Don’t do it for your family.  Don’t do it for your friends.  Do it for yourself—because you deserve it.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to be healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.  You deserve to feel important—because you are important.

path between trees

People have a tendency to ask others what one thing they would change in their lives if they could.  I would not change a single thing.  Even with all of the horrible, tortuous events I have been through, I would change nothing.  Even with the negative results that have come along with the nightmare of a life I lived in the past, I do not wish one event to have been different.  You may be thinking right now that I am either the biggest liar in the world or that I am stupid.  However, it is the complete and honest truth.  I feel this way because each and every event in my life—good and bad—has made me who I am.

I am very happy with who I am.  I care about other people.  I am kind.  I have worked very hard to get where I am and have reached a lot of goals that have improved my life.  I know this to be true no matter what anyone says to me, be it the monster or anyone else.  As I was preparing to write this book, I had an experience that many might have been tripped up on. 

I posted something online.  Someone saw it and made some really abusive, offensive remarks.  This person made remarks about my looks, stating that when looking at my picture vomit came up in his or her throat.  I don’t even know if it was a male or female, because he or she was to chicken to even use his or her real name.  This person showed his or her own stupidity, insensitivity, and lack of respect for another human being.  For all he or she knew, I could have been on the brink of suicide.  Yet, even if this person knew that to be true. he or she would not care because he or she is a selfish, obnoxious narcissist.  People like that do not care about others.

ocean waves

On another occasion, I was reading posts on a Facebook “friend’s” page.  The same sort of incident happened to her.  Fortunately, she is self-confident and handled the situation exceptionally.  This does NOT excuse these types of individuals.  These disrespectful rejects should be ashamed of themselves—but they are not.  Neither will they be.  They are completely happy making other people’s lives totally miserable.  If they cannot succeed with one person, they will move on to another until they find a willing victim.  Do not be that victim.  Be strong.  Be happy.  Be content.  Be yourself. 

As I said previously, I am in no way a counselor.  I simply wanted to share my experience in the hopes that it might help someone else to seek out help if they are in a similar situation.  Just in the past few months alone, we have seen what can happen when someone does not seek out help.  Situations like this are going to keep happening as long as victims don't realize what is going on and get help.  If you are experiencing any type of abuse, get help.  Please.


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