Surviving Abusive Relationships- Part Seven
Things were escalating. I was becoming stronger and more self-confident. The monster worked ever harder to keep me in the hole. The tension was mounting. It was only a matter of time before the volcano erupted. Then, it finally happened. I had been out of work for a while. I had applied for several jobs. Basically, I threw all of the options up into the air and waited to see which one dropped back in my lap. I was offered an interview at the hospital in Fort Bragg. Of course, I didn’t hesitate to accept. Nothing ever transpired from my other options.
I was fairly confident that I would get the job in Fort Bragg and had decided that I would try to wait it out. I would stay with the monster until I got the job, and then I would move to Fort Bragg alone and escape the horrid nightmare. I scheduled my interview for May 20, 2014. I was feeling a little better each day. I knew that one way or another my day of deliverance was near.
I went to my favorite place a day before my interview. I offered to feature the Beachcomber Motel in my newspaper, the Gold City Gazette, in exchange for a complementary stay in their Motel. They were happy to oblige. I stayed in an awesome room with a fireplace and balcony. I had an amazing view of the beach.
The next day, I went to my interview and headed home. I dreaded going back there but I tried to have a positive attitude. I was still confident that I would be hired at the Fort Bragg Hospital, but even if I ended up having to find work somewhere else, I was going to escape my dungeon. When I got home and walked in the house, things were more volatile than ever. The monster was in a rage. He spewed his poisonous venom everywhere, overflowing with viciousness.
I was done. I couldn’t take anymore. I threw clothes and whatever else I could fit in my truck and fled. I had to leave behind many precious possessions— pictures of my grandmother, paintings I had created, trinkets from my childhood. There was no other option. I had to save myself, and my sanity. I was homeless and had only my truck and the few things I had crammed into it. It was 110 degrees and I had nowhere to go.
I tried to find room at the local shelters. I was not thrilled with the thought of that, but I really didn’t see any other option. Unfortunately, all of the shelters were full. If it had not been for a few good friends with spare room in their homes and their hearts, I would have been living in my truck in the sweltering heat. I really didn’t have much of an income and I literally lived off of the dollar store. I appreciated the help I received from my friends, but I am not the type of person to take advantage of others. Besides, they had obligations and couldn’t take care of all of my needs.
I waited to hear back about my interview. It was not happening. About two weeks after I had left the monster, I found out he had cancelled my truck insurance the day I left. I tried to convince the monster to get it reinstated. Of course, he wouldn’t. I had to stop driving my truck. I could not take the chance of having it impounded. I had to walk anywhere I needed to go in the baking heat. My friends gave me rides at times but they had jobs. I was grateful for all that they did do for me. It was a very difficult experience—but it was nowhere near as excruciating as dealing with the monster.
Walking gave me a lot of time to think. Although I was suffering as I walked miles in the intense heat, I could see elements in my life that were improving. I was coming out of the fog. I began to realize that I had been robbed of my identity. I began to remember who I was and what I liked. I like cartoons. I like wearing my hair in ponytails. I like to walk around barefoot. The monster used to tell me that I was an okie when I walked around barefoot. WHO CARES?!?! If I want to be an okie, so what? I decided at that moment I was going to be me again.
I struggled through the next few weeks. I cried a few times. I still loved the monster—but I was stronger. I did not want to live that way anymore. I knew it was not healthy. I was not going there again. I did not cry as much as I had in my prior attempts at escape. The larger part of my struggle involved walking in the heat and trying to figure out how I was going to make it financially. Sure, if I went back to the monster that part of the situation would be a little easier, but it was not worth it. I was flying solo.
After two long months, I was really starting to get antsy. I still had not heard back about my interview and was pretty much giving up. I was coming to grips with the fact that I was not going to be near my true love—the ocean. I had been on one of my many walks in the outdoor oven. I was depressed and I was tired. I decided to take a nap. Just as I was falling asleep, my cell phone rang. It was the Fort Bragg Hospital! They offered me a job andwanted to schedule a physical.